Reconciling Incompatible Us
by drunkopp
Summary: All John Egbert wanted was to conform their differences in social status, and not feel like his friendship is falling apart from Mr. Popularity here. And Dave Strider, well he was just trying to seduce his best friend. AU College Dave/John
1. Operation Shittiest Ploy Ever

He was John Egbert, the nerdy little outcast who never had a girlfriend, never lost his first kiss, and never got anywhere near to being popular. Bullied, pushed around, and looked down upon, that was his life as your average, every-day loser.

He was Dave Strider, the ever so popular coolkid who had more girlfriends than you could count on your body, stole multiple first everythings, and was more well known than even famous celebrities. Adored, lusted after, and idolized by nearly the entire student body, that was his life as, well, Dave Strider.

Going back as childhood friends, these two opposites have been the best of the best bros, tighter than spandex on a fat guy, they were practically inseperable. But as time goes by, you eventually grow up to be teenagers and that's when you really start to see the differences in people. For John, he couldn't not see just how far apart Dave was from his nerdy little world. It was often in highschool too that he'd get picked on for simply trying to associate with the popular crowd, a nobody like him. John enters his freshman year of college, hoping to start off fresh with his best friend and _not_ be treated like someone who doesn't deserve him. But eventually, that's when he realizes, things never changed. He's still the nerdy little kid from years ago, trying to catch up to the real world. There's always been this prominent gap between them, and maybe, just maybe, John feels like he no longer has a place in his best friend Dave's world.

And Dave, well he's just trying to make his strictly heterosexual best friend fall for him.

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><p><strong>Reconciling Incompatible Us<strong>

**Dave/John**

**Rated M for swearing in story and from author. Possible sexual themes in the future. We'll see.**

**AU College Setting. SBURB stuff didn't exist. Trolls are included in the story but they're human, try to picture that.**

**I do not own Homestuck. Homestuck rightfully belongs to that one guy who created it I don't know his name.**

_drunkopp:_ That's a full summary I came up with at the top up there, in case you didn't notice. But yeah, anyways, totally gay ass summarization and cliche story line, I apologize. But fuck, I've been craving to write a college setting, one sided love, Dave/John romance story. Like fuck. Anyways, main pairing's Dave/John, although along the way there may be obscure mentions of side character relationships, just for the hell of it. But don't worry, I'm not gonna get off course, it's still all relevant to the Dave and John loving. I think. Dave's supposed to be one year older than John in here, just to warn you. This is also my first fanfic by the way, and never would I have expected to be writing one. Well, not a Homestuck fanfic at least. Of all the series to spark my writing muse, it was Homestuck that did it. Real shocker for me. But yeah, probably nobody ever fucking reads this shit, so get on with the story.

By the way, one last note, this may or may not be a long story depending on how much bullshit I can come up with to write.

**Chapter One: Operation Shittiest Ploy Ever**

Freshman year of college. John couldn't believe he was here, actually_ physically_ standing here on the pavement, staring up in a dazed trance at his future learning institute, and residence for the next few years, give or take.

It was almost impossible to believe. Despite having confirmed acceptance into the dorms for a while now. But still, he was pretty darn excited about it.

Actually, forget excited, he was absolutely _psyched_, giddy beyond belief by just standing in the building's classy yet intimidating presence. He would've let out an eager squeal of joy, but since they were in a public place where people could see and judge him, he decided otherwise and forced himself to remain cool on the first day at least. Which, utterly failed because he was already admiring the place in a silly stupor, like some retard who hadn't ever seen a real life building of this architectural standard before. Despite it, John continued to smile his trademark dorky grin, front teeth glistening and all.

The kid was finally brought out from his trance when an arm reached up behind him, wrapping it's way around his neck as it jerked him back. John stumbled half-forcibly into his friend's grasp, swiveling his head around as he smiled up brightly at the face above him.

Dave, his best friend since as long as he could remember, stared down at him with shaded eyes. "What are you grinning like an idiot for, Egbert? Jeez, do you think you could tone down on the dorkiness for once so we can both stand in public without being embarrassed?" The blonde barely scoffed at his behavior, in dramatic yet ironic humor of course.

John couldn't prevent his grin from growing wider, if that was even possible. "Who cares, Dave?" The boy rebutted by sticking his tongue out at the other, not quite as maturely as he wanted to. "And here I thought you didn't give a shit about what people thought about you."

"I don't." He replied as cooly as reputation beseeched him. "Come on, you don't expect me to move all your shit in by myself. What am I, your personal slave boy? Like hell I'll ever be, to someone as derpy as you." He released his grip on the other's neck to turn around back to the parked car. "Get a move on, squirt."

The said squirt pouted a bit at the nickname, but dutifully complied to help unload the car. Of course he wasn't going to make Dave carry all his stuff to the room by himself, especially since Dave was the one who drove him here, _and_ somehow arranged it for them to share a room. So if anything, John owed Dave big time.

Although, while unloading his stuff from the back of the truck, John couldn't help but notice the burning sensation of odd stares being bored down upon them from various directions. Even more suspiciously, they kind of sounded like they were whispering too.

He shook it off. Damn, maybe he really _was_ acting embarrassing. He'd have to try and tone it down.

* * *

><p>"Christ, Egbert. How much of this fucking <em>shit<em> did you bring?"

John glared and frowned disapprovingly at his friend's insult, which evidently resulted in a pout. "It is not _shit_, Dave. How can you even call 'Gone in Sixty Seconds' shit? It has Nicholas Cage _and_ Angelina Jolie in it. Now that is a top notch line of A-list actors if I do say so myself." He nodded with a smug smile.

Dave rolled his eyes; the motion being hidden behind his sunglasses, but John knew Dave long enough to decipher when it was being done.

"Look, not that I'm against your gay man crush on Cage or anything, or any of your homoerotic tendencies for that matter. Just don't go masturbating to this shit while I'm not around, alright? This ain't your fucking house anymore where you can jack off to 'Con Air' whenever you like." That remark was promptly followed by a soft plushie being thrown at the back of the older's head, which hit amazingly enough. The boy, not fazed or surprised in the least, half turned from his rummaging of John's DvD collection to pick up the tossed doll with one hand and an incredulously raised brow.

"A bunny doll? Really?"

"I do not have a crush on Nicholas Cage, I just appreciate good acting when I see it." He folded his arms across his chest. "And _yes_, Dave. I always jack off when watching 'Con Air.'" John rolled his eyes to emphasize his sarcasm, not that it wasn't already noticeable enough.

Dave, as always, went along with their little play. "I know. About the you jacking off part, not the first part." At this, John rolled his eyes again.

"No doubt you'll be dreaming up Cage fantasies every night, one where you," Dave pointed to John with his index finger. "The loving wife reunites with the handsome, yet rugged piece of hunky man." And at which, Dave motioned to himself with a smooth gesture of his hand.

John stared at him from his position of lying down on the bed, hands folded behind his head. "And that's when we fuck senseless, right?"

"Bingo."

John laughed.

It was a tad ironic, in a humorous yet aberrant way, how they would always joke about this kind of stuff, namely their sexuality and supposed turn ons. And how it was always Dave who insinuated the sexual innuendoes and jokes. Not that it was a big deal, since it was always just fooling around, witty ironic sarcasm that never meant anything. Cause John, well he was as straight as a ruler and despite his love for Nicholas Cage, there was no way he'd swing that way for any guy, even the Cage.

Dave on the other hand.

"Hey, have you seen Karkat, or Terezi, or Vriska around for that matter?" John inquired, now lying on his stomach with his chin propped up on his palms, watching Dave as he rummaged through more of his stuff. Which he didn't mind really, it's not as if there was anything there that Dave hadn't seen already.

A shrug. "Don't know, not today at least."

John huffed out a breath as he rolled onto his back again, eyes boring into the white ceiling above. "Maan, Where are theey?" He whined. "Vriska and Terezi said they'd show up at the dorm when I arrived. And Karkat... Well, he said he didn't want to see my grubby little face, but I know that actually means he wants to see me." John mused to himself as Dave treated him indifferently and continued about his business, or technically in John's business.

The sophomore didn't say another word until he reached upon something _very _intriguing.

"Hello."

"What?" John asked, eyes still glued on the ceiling.

When Dave didn't answer, the brunette tilted his chin upwards so his head was hanging off the side of the bed. He saw Dave, well upside down Dave, holding something that vaguely appeared to be a notebook. It wasn't one he recognized, or even remembered packing. But after a few seconds of straining to recollect just where that cover looked so familiar from, his eyes widened.

"Fuck."

Was all he conjured up to say before practically lunging at the other's arm.

But silly little John should know better than to underestimate Dave's lightning reflexes, which came from being raised in a household with Bro and his frightening smuppet army.

The precious notebook was easily averted from his reach, and Dave used his longer arms as an advantage to keep the book at bay, as one arm held it up high in the air for all to see, while the other trapped John in his patented headlock.

The smaller, and unfortunately frailer of the two boys struggled against the choke hold. "G - gack.. ! Sto..p it, agh!" His stubby little fingers tried prying off the single arm sealing his doom, but it was to no avail. Seriously, was there that much of a difference in strength? Jeez, what a letdown.

"A diary, huh..." There was an under layer of amusement in his tone of voice as he exposed the pages with a flick of his thumb.

"N - no, Dave! Don't! Please! I'm begging yooou! And fuck, it's not a diary, it's a journal!" John managed to choke out from his constraints, which Dave blatantly ignored.

That old diary of his must've fallen in with his stuff by accident. Either that, or Dad planted it there deliberately to ruin him. Rotten old man.

Dave flipped to a random page in the book, an entry was scribbled in John's messy handwriting.

"September 3, 2002... ... Today I met the _coolest_ kid ever..."

A horrified shriek emitted from the poor boy.

"_Dave Stride_r," A highly intrigued, yet not visible smirk crossed his lips. "The new kid, is just so awesome and_ super good-looking_, I wish I could be as cool as him."

John let out a defeated groan and buried his burning face into the blonde's sleeve. Which Dave pretended to not notice.

"He wears these pair of sweet shades, has a weirdly cool accent to his voice, and everybody in the class likes him a lot... including me." Dave stared at that page as he trailed off those last two words.

He resisted the urge to smirk, maintaining his ever so cool composure. "Huh. I didn't know you used to have a mad crush on me."

John finally lifted his burning bright face away from hiding, to defend what little dignity he had left. If there was any. "I - It's not like that!" Which Dave simply replied with a nonchalant 'uh - huh.' "Everyone in school thought you were cool and liked you! A - and that's from when we first met, when we were kids! This diary doesn't pertain to anything in the present!"

The brunette carried on with his rambling as Dave continued trifling through John's embarrassing diary. "Relax, Egderp. It's completely understandable to fall for me, happens all the time. But if you wanted to suck my dick so badly, you could've just -"

A hard, but not hard enough to be painful punch flew against his ribcage. "Shut the fuck up, Dave."

After skimming some more through the barely decipherable printing, he found the rest of it to be, boringly enough, just the typical Egderpy nerd stuff you hear everyday. Except this was in his elementary and middle school days, so the derpiness was considered childishly endearing at that time. And it was all the same old stuff, the days when his old man packed his favorite lunch, about his nerdy little biology experiments he used to conduct, and of course, his friends at school. A lot of Dave was mentioned repeatedly too of course. I mean, who wouldn't want to write about the Strider?

Apparently John gave up on fighting him, and stopped struggling a while ago.

"Are you done laughing at me yet?" The boy asked meekly, trying to hide the hopeful tint in his words.

"Let me guess, you want me to give this back so you can burn the evidence and flush it's ashes down the toilet?" He was answered with a nod.

"Well that's such a waste, especially with all the things you mentioned about me. We could fucking publish this thing and call it the, 'Why Dave Strider is so Fucking Awesome and Hot,' autobiography, written personally by your own John Egderp."

Yeah, John definitely didn't like the sound of that. "Agh, I have to destroy the evidence before someone else sees it!" And he lunged again.

But Dave, being well, Dave, once again moved his arm out of the path of the other's pounce. But in doing so, it ended up with John tackling him full on, and sending them both to the ground.

A pretty painful fall for Dave, as he fell to the hardwood floor on his back while the extra weight of John fell onto his chest, doubling the impact. He let out a discomforted grunt, which didn't really express his full hurt, but his image prevented from emoting anything beyond that. Not that it was all that displeasurable, this suggestive position John obliviously put them into, while in his desperate struggle for the diary was quite nice actually.

He could get used to this. Dave mused to himself as he held the book far above his head, and out of John's impeding grasp.

"Dave - quit being an asshole and give it, give it, give it!" He complained, now sitting up right on Dave's lap, leaning his body further and further to the point where he started brushing against that...

Dave immediately wrapped an arm around the slender waist of his friend, using force and the law of gravity to bring him down and crush their torsos together. And to restrict any further impending movements that may or may not have resulted in something very bad.

John let out a loud 'oof!' as his chest fell upon Dave's, nearly knocking the wind out of him. "Gah, Dave! No fair!" He yelled, pulling down at the sides of his friend's shirt.

No, what wasn't fair was being in love with your homophobic best friend, and wanting to fuck the living daylights out of him. Oh wait, fuck. Forget that. Uncool thoughts. Shoo.

"Woah, Egbert, is this your way of coming on to me? As flattered as I am, I'm afraid I'll have to decline, bro." The hold around his waist tightened ever so slightly. "I ain't interested in guys, even as girly as you are. Sorry, I hate to disappoint man."

Egbert rolled his eyes. "Oh no, my fragile maiden heart. You're such a heartbreaker, Dave. And look who's talking with your arm holding me down against you."

"Whoops, you caught me."

"Just give it to me!"

"... And what exactly do you desire to receive from Strider, John?"

Both Dave and John raised their heads up to glance at the doorway, in the direction of where the voice originated from.

"Oh, Rose!" The said boy grinned at the sight of his old friend, while still lying on Dave's surprisingly comfy chest. "Hey! Oh, you know, Dave's just being an ass again."

"Tell me something I don't know." Dave rolled his eyes, his snarky sister's remarks never got old. For christ's sakes, he really didn't want to deal with her psychoanalysis shit right now, which he knew was coming from the smug look on her face at their little predicament. Seriously, how fucking hard was it to get a little privacy here? Well, maybe locking the door would've proved to assist them greatly, but whatever fuck that.

Assuming the longer they stayed down together in their present state, the more of a lecturing he'd receive from Rose; so the sophomore evidently decided to sit up from their uncomfortable, yet enticing position. John, unexpectedly, leapt up like a fucking kangaroo on steroids off his lap, and unbeknownst to Dave on exactly how, managed to swipe the diary back into his possession. "Hah!" He declared in victory, before stashing the thing under his shirt and into the waistline of his pants.

Dave stared at the obvious rectangular bulge underneath his clothes, before staring back up at his face. "You know I'll go in there." And that was valid, for multiple motives.

John replied with a quick flash of his tongue before running to Rose, to hide behind no doubt.

Rose gave her brother a passive look before turning to John with a small smile. "It's good to finally see you here, John. I was wondering when you'd arrive, Jade already moved in her stuff a few hours ago."

That look in her eyes, although it's exterior manner was meant to be misinterpreted for a look of serenity, Dave knew. She was looking at him with pity.

Because Rose, being Rose of course, understood the workings of her half-brother's mind like it was a simple grammatical structure.

Because she knew, and worst of all, understood.

John, pressing one arm across his stomach to keep the book under his clothes from slipping, greeted her with a light grin. "Really? Cool, where is she now?"

"Currently wrapped up in another frivolous, yet heated verbal argument with Karkat." She said, in vague amusement. "Along with Terezi and I, they were coming to greet you. But as you know, those two get sidetracked so easily."

"Hehe, yeah, I know. So you went ahead as a messenger to get me?" Rose nodded in affirmation.

So Karkat really was coming to see him, despite his constant uptight and averse attitude about the whole 'going to the same school with a bunch of brain-cell deficient morons.' John grinned. "Alright, I'm gonna go see if I can find them. And er, find a garbage disposal to dump this thing." He said, lightly rapping his fingers against the cover of the journal still safely hidden underneath his clothes.

She chuckled softly. "You go do that. They should be downstairs, just follow the sound of Karkat's discernible voice."

He flashed her one last grin. "Haha, I will."

Then John left, leaving the two siblings in a room filled with sweet, thick awkward silence.

Dave presently stood onto his feet in the middle of the floor, one hand casually situated in his pants pocket as he stared down his half-twin from across the room. "I don't want to hear it."

"Hear what?"

"Your creepy mind therapy bullshit you're just dying to sick on me. By the look on your face, it's kind of fucking obvious, Rose."

"Like you are?" She responded adequately.

He didn't bother to reciprocate in return.

"This isn't good for you, Dave." She spoke without her usual prying tone this time. "You should stop, or at least find a less perverse alternative."

Dave just shrugged indifferently. "About what? My alleged homo feelings for John? I told you already, I stopped caring about that a while ago." He walked a few steps across the room and towards the doorway, his gaze traveling elsewhere. "Hell, If the straight dude doesn't want to return another guy's feelings, then I got no case against him. Doesn't matter anyways, I was never gay in the first place."

"You know, Dave."

"What?"

"Your mask is slipping."

"..."

"This aloof facade you keep up, although I comprehend the justification behind the need for such an angle, you must know it evidently will consequence in hurting both you, and John."

He snorted. "Yeah, what do you suggest I do then?" The boy said, in half-indulgence, and just partly in regard to her suggestion.

Rose tapped an index finger to the side of her curved chin, propping up an elbow on the palm of her hand. "Well... If I'm not mistaken from the recurrent romance films these days..." She pondered almost aimlessly, which was unusual for Rose, thus making Dave pause momentarily to listen to her nonsense.

She smiled faintly, facing towards him. "Wouldn't it be appropriate to... woo him, you know, romantically?"

Dave deadpanned, which actually wasn't much of a change from his normal expression, only that his jaw dropped about a millimeter. "... Seriously? That's your advice? Wow, so Miss professional psychiatrist suddenly has a change of heart or fucking mid-life crisis and becomes the guru of matchmaking love." He stared at her, his expression either stoic or impossible to read because of the sunglasses blocking his face. "I don't know whether to consider it a downgrade or not."

Rose sighed after letting her brother out his need to always input sarcastic comments to about everything. "Like I mentioned previously, all I'm simply trying to do is steer you into a moderately innocuous solution. Since clearly, getting over your feelings isn't working." She pursed her lips lightly. "It's been eight years, Dave. They're not going anywhere."

He lraised a brow ever so slightly. "Don't you think that's what I've been doing these past eight years?"

To his mild surprise, she shook her head. "Perhaps to a normal person the message would've rung crystal clear, but... this is John we're talking about." She blinked, speaking without a single falter in her voice. "He's an idiot, Dave. You'll have to be a bit more straightforward with him."

Dave wanted to facepalm, he really did, but resisted the urge to do such. "Anymore fucking blunt and I'm obliged to resort to full-on molestation. And that'll just scare the pussy off or something."

Why did love, especially her two best friend's love, have to be so fucking complicated? Well, I suppose Rose found some sort of sick thrill in the challenge, and she was more than willing to accept. The girl pondered for a moment. "... John's blissfully unaware and credulous." Dave's silent aura stated that everyone in this fucking universe and the next knew the obvious. Get with the program. "Alongside his childlike innocence, he practically grew up under the influence of those horrid Hollywood movies that limit one to to anticipate the expected, and not so much breach the outer workings of their own mind. He hasn't been approached with the notion or possiblity of acting out other than what the general public finds normal. Not to mention the copiuos amount of pressure on him as he's always been treated as the odd one out, and to John fitting in -"

"Rose. The abridged version. Please."

"I suppose we could... broaden his outlook on the sides of human sexuality. In other words... Expose him to the degree of possibilities in discovering homosexuality at a late age. Teach him that learning to love the same sex isn't necessarily a strange thing."

Truthfully, Dave was kind of impressed on how far Rose had indulged her analysis into the situation. Not that he was going to show it in the least bit. "Great, so I take him to a gay bar, show him a real good time, and bam - John instantly falls head over heels in love with me. Problem solved." That was sarcasm by the way, in case you didn't catch that.

She rolled her eyes at her brother's ignorance, but a smile crept up across her lips nevertheless. "Subtle yet direct, if you want John, that's the way you'll have to roll."

Now this all sounded like some devious plot, cause somehow in the midst of their conversation, they had devised a cleverly well-thought out plan to turn a young man gay. "Operation turn John Egbert into a homosexual, or bisexual in the least. Sounds fucking amazing. If it works that is."

Rose shrugged. "That's up to you and him." She smiled amusingly. "How unforeseen, to think Mr. Dave Strider is working his ass off to win the heart of a nerdy little boy. If word gets out..."

"Why would it get out? Unless you're gonna be the blabbermouth bitch of the century and squeal to Jade."

She shook her head, finally stepping out into the hall again to take her leave. "Perhaps it'd be in your best interest to lock the door. A display like before will leave stains on your reputation, Strider."

He had to admit, a locked door sounded downright righteous. "Will do."

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><p><em>drunkopp: <em>I hope that didn't utterly suck ass. Kind of a boring chapter, I know, but I always feel the need to build things up and pay attention to every little detail. Which you probably hate okay, I'll do better next time. Drop me a review too, they feed my self-esteem.


	2. It's All The Same

Frankly, Dave didn't believe this little ploy of theirs was going to work. I mean, convincing his heterosexual friend to play for the other side? That sounded as absurd as any aspect of it could get, not to mention highly unlikely.

But I suppose that wouldn't stop him from trying. Or hoping.

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><p><em>drunkopp: <em>I don't know why you guys like this but, whatever floats your boat I , but seriously, I did not expect such great feedback, it's really quite endearing. Thanks a bunch you guys. I also don't know why I didn't post this sooner. Haha, whoops. But yup, here you go, second chapter. By the way, I have nothing against Transformers, just so you know.

**Chapter Two: It's All The Same**

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><p>Karkat's voice, in a literal sense was the<em> loudest<em> thing you could hear for miles.

And unfortunately for rest of the tenants residing in the dorm, the walls weren't exactly sound proof, much less sustainable against the runt of Karkat's indignant raised tone. With each step closer, John was feeling that much more reluctance seeping into his heart. Not that he wasn't looking forward to a heartfelt reunion with his pals; he was ecstatic to see their faces again, friendly or not. Cause honestly, despite the arrogant front Karkat constantly put up, deep down John knew there was a caring and friendly human being in there.

"YOU MENIAL DIMINUTIVE MORONS. WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER COMING ALONG WITH A BUNCH OF FUCKTARDS TO GREET AN IDIOT I CAN'T EVEN STAND?"

Yes. Somewhere in there.

Approaching the last few steps of the stairwell; John, with an eager expression yet slight hesitancy in his advances, caught sight of an all too familiar bickering pair.

Jade huffed in exasperation, obviously fed up with Karkat's childish little backlashes. "Karkat, would you please for just once in your life shut up and stop contradicting yourself so much?" The raven haired young lady let out another annoyed grunt for what seemed to be the fiftieth time. "You're the one who invited yourself to tag along, so you have no right to complain in this matter!" She jutted an index finger into his chest accusingly.

Terezi was there too, being somewhat of a mediator between the two. Actually, she was just standing there, leaning on her cane and snickering for no particular reason. So basically she was just acting as a third party witness, contributing absolutely form of help to settle them down. She appeared more amused by this than anything else.

John was conflicted between the yearning to approach them for a long awaited group hug, and the contemplation of shuffling around them to avoid a scene altogether, just as everybody else in the lobby seemed to wise up to by ducking themselves away. But before he could even decide, Terezi had already caught sight, or I guess scent, of him as she sniffed the air in his direction and grinned. How she did that was beyond his comprehension.

The girl waved at him, in a half-beckoning motion for him to get his ass over here and watch the show up close. John simply smiled in return, waving his entire arm exuberantly at her. "Hey, Terezi!"

The sound of his voice became the fingers to snap the quarrel right out of its trance, as Karkat and Jade both turned their heads towards the bottom of the stairwell.

His adoptive cousin's expression was suddenly overcome with bliss at the sight of him. "John!" She practically squealed and ran over to the boy to crash a flying hug before he even had the chance to hug back. "How have you been? I haven't seen you in soooo long!"

Jade's home was pretty far from any of them, they would hardly see her face if it weren't for the wonders of webcam chat. So then she finally convinced her granddad to let her attend a legitimate college with her friends, and not be home-schooled for the rest of her sheltered life. Which, John was glad for cause he got to see more of his cousin now, and he'd feel bad if Jade was the only one left out of the loop.

In the distance behind Jade's back, you could visibly see the disdainful disgust on Karkat's face. "Oh fuck, someone get me a paper bag cause I'm about to hurl from this revolting sight." He stuck out his pink tongue and threw in a small gagging noise for effect. Terezi then pulled out a brown paper bag from god knows where, and stuffed it on his head. Predictably he got pissed and tore the thing in two while hollering not in a literal sense.

Jade chose to tune him out completely and smiled. "Ohhh John, I have so much planned for us now that we're going to be living near each other! It's going to be great, this is going to be the best year ever!" The boy in return had yet to say anything, but shared her enthusiasm altogether. Karkat was staring at him now, and what was that, a look of pity?

"You aren't thinking of hogging John all to yourself, are you Jade?" A pair of light footsteps followed by louder ones echoed down the steps as Rose and Dave came into view. Jade's visage considerably brightened at the sight of her other two best friends. It was like the profound reunion she always dreamt of as a kid.

"Dave, I haven't seen you - " The said coolkid stopped her with a raise of his hand as she halted in her starting dash to crush him into a long-needed embrace.

"Remember what I told you about the hugs, Harley. As good as it is to see you, might I remind you I don't do those lovely honey-sapping scenes of yours." He admonished her, putting his hand down after making sure the girl would stay put.

She huffed at him, rolling her eyes at his stupid obstinate demeanor. "You're no fun at all, Dave! I bet you'd do it if it was John who hugged you."

That statement was so true it froze him for a millisecond before reminding himself that Jade knew nothing of the truth. At least as far as he knew. The girl knew a lot of things, but he was pretty sure this wasn't one of them. Even though there were plenty of times she implied it in some ways, she almost always acted like she knew it, but always passed it off as a joke later. Rose was stifling a snicker in the background, goddamn her.

John, obliviously standing right there just chuckled. "That's not true, Dave just hates showing affection in public."

Which was true, but he was definitely willing to make some exceptions.

Dave casually threw an arm around the shorter boy's shoulders. "That's right, you know ol' cold-hearted me, always avoiding people cause goddamn if it's anything that gets under my skin, it's sentiment in a public place. Or any place really." He said while pulling John closer to his chest for ironic purposes. And maybe a bit for his own enjoyment.

Jade appeared disappointed, but just as quickly recovered cause she's gotten used to it by now. "Alright, fine, be an alienated prick and miss out on my special hugs. But!" Her grin grew in expectancy of something in return. The price of refusing one of Jade's overbearing embraces resulted in only one thing. "... You have to take me to that club of yours! Not just any night though, I want to see you DJing live in action!"

What. "What." He spoke his first reaction aloud.

How the hell did she know about his part-time gigs? Or when did she find out? Well actually it was pretty common knowledge, one of the many things he was famous for. But still, he didn't expect her to find out so fast, and that fact would almost be unsettling, if he cared enough. The sophomore turned to his sister in minor suspicion, but Rose merely shrugged in response to his silent accusation.

John, eyes suddenly glistening in fascination, perked up at his cousin's words. "You work at a club?" He inquired at the blonde who still happened to be holding him in his arm.

"Yes, he does. Even though he was trying to hide it from us like the meanie he is ~" Arguably, he was never hiding anything. He just didn't tell them. There was never any denial or deception going on here.

"I want to come too, man! You gotta take me with you, please!" John tugged at his shirt while looking up with those wide, expectant eyes.

Well, it's not as if Dave minded them there, and he wasn't going to form a blockade outside the place to forbid them from entering. So, not finding much to say on the matter, he said, "Fine."

The two clueless brunettes appeared more excited than he did. He didn't care a bit though. And it's not like he was plotting in the back of his mind, ways he could impress John with his mad mixing skills.

Sometime in the midst of his thoughts, Rose and Terezi had invited themselves too. And surprisingly also Karkat, although begrudgingly.

"Alright, as much as I hate to break up this dazzling reunion - which I don't - I'd like to fucking go now before I starve myself to death cause I was waiting up for some cuntface who showed up only now."

Ah, that's right, John had yet to say hello to Karkat. "Hey, Karkat! S'been a while!" He chirped at his fellow freshman, waving at him with a frantic shake of his hand. While being promptly responded with a 'yeah fuck whatever.' Good ol' cynical Karkat.

Unfortunately, it was time for this light hearted and quite pointless conversing to come to an end, Dave figured to himself. This fond gathering of theirs was lovely and all, but they all most likely had plans in preparation for the last weekend before the beginning of the term. The last Friday night before school started, the students weren't exactly going to waste it away, except maybe the huge nerds who used the spare time to study or re-watch dvds they'd brought in the sanctity of their room. Dave Strider for one, is someone you know for a fact is busy, despite his tendency to never submit to schedules.

As if on cue, the sophomore's cellphone vibrated in his jeans pocket, just a small abrupt jostle to catch his attention and inform him of an incoming text. He flipped it open, reading the sender's name. Dave didn't recall who this fellow was, but then again he didn't know half the people who sent him random messages.

_Message sent at 5:13 p.m._

_heeeyy dude! _

_just checking but you still on for ellen's party tonight, right?_

_man, you have to be there so i don't look like the total doofus who invited himself. D:_

_besiiides, you and i and ninety percent of the people there already know she's totally got the hots for you. ;D haha!_

_somebody's getting some tonight i bet ~ ;D ahaha hopefully it's me though 8|;;;_

_better send your new dork roommate the heads up to camp out in the lounge tonight!_

_From: XXX XXXX_

Dave stared blankly at the text written.

So who the fuck was this guy again? Probably one of the many nameless douches trying to leech off of the Strider's popularity. And Dave knew of course, about that chick who already wanted to get in his pants after talking to him once on the street. She was a fan of his DJing apparently, and not to mention she had a drop dead hot body, legitimate F-cup breasts as rumors so shamelessly have spread. But there was no way Dave was going to kick John out to get laid with a gorgeous slut. Clearly not the most ideal way to start off the whole wooing plan. But he supposed he'd go just to check the lameness factor out, all for ironic purposes. And maybe a quick feel up session for the hell of it, to see if those rumors were true or not.

"As unfortunate as it is to break from this quaint discussion, I'll have to depart now if I want to make my dinner plans with Kanaya this evening." Rose interrupted into the air of loud voices which had been going on for some time. They all took a breather from their senseless banter to say their farewells to the girl. And surprisingly, nobody even bothered to mention how early it was to be having dinner. Or maybe they were just already aware of Rose's disposition to be fashionably early.

After the first escapee had absconded from the party, it seemed as though the rest took that as the cue to disperse themselves. Karkat stormed off somewhere as soon as he took it he was allowed to leave, even though nobody was forcibly keeping him there in the first place. Terezi left announcing she had plans to hang with Sollux, Aradia, and Karkat, although he already went off without her. Jade, surprisingly also chirped she had other matters to attend to, and without specifying exactly what plans, left the building in a clumsy hurry.

That left the two roommates back to where they started, accompanying one another in their own dorm building.

Why did they even bother coming here? Dave mused to himself with arousing suspicion that those particular group of people simply wanted to disrupt his life.

John next to him shifted his feet and squirmed uncomfortably out of his grasp, which Dave regrettably released. The brunette beamed up at him with a grin all the same though.

"Hey Dave, since everybody else seems to have plans and stuff... What about we spend our Friday night together? You know, like to celebrate our first night as roommates." The boy scratched at the back of his head sheepishly, you could see the excitement he was trying to contain showing through. "And well, I brought all my movies with me, and I brought my DvD player so I thought we could just watch..." His sentence began trailing off as his gaze found its way to the cellphone still in Dave's hand.

He blinked, parting his lips in a slight oval. "Oh. Right. You probably already have other things planned too... Heh. I just automatically assumed you had nothing else to do like me, man I'm so stupid." The younger of the two forced a laugh, which came out sounding awfully awkward.

Dave, his expression stoic and unreadable as always, said nothing. Instead he simply turned off his phone and stored it back into his jeans pocket.

"Nah. I've got absolutely zilch plans in mind. In fact, my poor excuse of a pal just messaged me saying he had to bail out on our appointment, unreliable bastard." He lied, straight-out. "So, like you, my schedule's open for tonight."

John seemed quite happy with this, although he pretended to feel bad about his friend's plans being cancelled. "Oh... That's too bad - but, we can have fun by ourselves! I brought tons of games and movies, including Con Air of course!" He spoke of his favorite movie eagerly, though the look on Dave's face was not quite as eager.

"... Buut, I guess you can have the privilege of choosing the movie. Since I owe you one and all." John wasn't too disappointed, since there were plenty of other brilliant motion pictures starring Nicholas Cage in that box of his.

Dave felt like it was worth it, giving up on scoring with some horny college chick, just to see John so enthusiastic about spending time together. Sure, it might've been a waste, but he knew he could get laid anytime. On the other hand, personal time with his best friend didn't come very often. Maybe watching Nicholas Cage strut around the screen in a sweaty wifebeater for about the millionth time wouldn't be so bad this time around.

"Oh yeah, I totally brought snacks and popcorn too, so it'll be just like a sleepover! We can change into our pajamas and watch it on my bed. Just like when we were kids, right? Hehe, sound cool?"

Okay, fuck it. Totally worth every moment.

"... Jesus, Egbert. Spending a night with you is like turning back the clock to when we were six, snuggling together in one bed, sporting our rainbow-unicorn footie pajamas. Welcome to Egderp's ultimate loser ideal of college nightlife." That actually didn't sound as bad as he was voicing it out to be.

John simply rolled his eyes. "I'm not a fucking kindergarten baby, Dave. And well, we _will_ have to watch it together in one bed, but obviously I don't wear footie pajamas. I mean, sometimes I just sleep in my underwear."

Yes, this was possibly going to be one of the best weekends ever.

Assuming he didn't do something to screw it up of course.

The older of the two nodded shortly. "Alright, but no Nicholas Cage or any of that shit. Seriously."

John bit back a disappointed groan.

* * *

><p><em>Sometime later that night. (So I fast-forwarded. Sue me.) <em>

Time sure flies by when you're doing absolutely nothing with your supposed crush.

Of course, it was only until now did they decide to watch a movie. For John, being the cinematic freak he was, claimed movies were always fifty percent more exciting when viewed at night. Thus they killed some time in the process, doing whatever it is college kids do these days.

"... You know, when I first thought about living in the dorms, I figured it was going to be completely different from high school." John mused aloud as he stepped out of his pants to change. "But really, it just feels the same as before. Maybe it's because you and everyone else are still here." The boy chuckled without a care.

Dave would've found that statement endearing if he wasn't so distracted by his best friend's pants-less form. Thankfully, the shades hid his wandering gaze. Cause staring at your roommate's fine ass wasn't exactly the straightest thing a guy could do.

"Uh-huh." The blonde smoothly muttered out while watching John pull off his shirt, revealing the boy's pallid complexion. The brunette was thin, not enough to be on the anorexic side, but still pretty skinny for a male his age.

Pausing at the realization of his train of thought, the blonde shook his head inwardly. Now of all times was _definitely_ not the time to be thinking such considerations, for it was too dangerous. But on the other hand, this could prove to be the invaluable opportunity he needed to push forward on that first step of revealing himself.

"Uh… Dave? What's wrong?" A voice from across snapped the said boy out of his stupor as he lifted his gaze up ever so slightly to meet John's eyes.

Ah, shit. So he got caught in the act, no biggie really. Since after all, Dave was the master of playing things off cool. "Nothing, just thinking about how your body hasn't changed at all from seventh grade, still all bone and no muscle I see."

At this, a feverish blush lightly spread across John's sputtering expression. "W-what are you talking about? I so have –" The younger didn't get to finish his retort when Dave swiftly strode across the floor in no time, positioning himself right in front of John.

This normally wouldn't have been as awkward, but Dave was standing awfully closer than should be allowed, being all up in his personal space. Not to mention John was still half-naked with his pants pooling around his ankles.

But clearly, those two facts didn't faze the coolkid in the least, and instead of backing off, he boldly grabbed the other's scrawny arm.

The act caught John off guard, just a bit. "H-Hey…"

It was always so damn challenging figuring out exactly what Dave's intentions were, and those sunglasses didn't help one bit either. The sophomore simply stared down the other with an indistinguishable expression, his poker face evermore intact and never faltering.

Dave tugged passively at John's arm, giving him a once over as if inspecting a specimen before uncurling his fingers and releasing their grip. "You see, just a pair of ridiculously twig-like spaghetti arms." With that single deduction, the blonde strode past and made his way to the bathroom, shutting the faulty door behind him.

While of course, leaving John in a disordered stupor. "… What was that all about?"

Ah, shit, was that too obvious?

Dave muddled to himself against the bathroom door. Alright, he'd have to tone it down a bit for now. If things continued along this tricky path, he'll soon be known as the guy who sexually harassed his half-naked roommate/bestfriend. And that title already belonged to Eridan so it would be wrong to take that away from him.

Figuring he cooled down enough, and that any longer in the washroom would come across suspicious, Dave quickly stepped out of his blue jeans and into a pair of comfortable sweats. He didn't care how uncool baggy slacks looked on him; there was only John there to see and they were snug, shut the fuck up.

He didn't bother to change his shirt, mainly out of laziness. He opened the door and was thankfully greeted by a not so awkward silence. John was already sitting on the bed with a typical toothy grin on his face. He had on a pair of tawdry shorts with repeating patterns of some childish bear mascot adorning the gaudy colored fabric. They looked like clothes worn years ago and yet they appeared one size too big. The shirt was at least bearable to look at. Except the fact that it was again, too big for the boy's frame and you could see this nice revealing angle of his neck - oh fuck it all.

John smiled when he saw his friend step out of the bathroom. "Come on, dude. Hurry up, I already put the disc in and…" His words trailed off slightly when he caught eye of the other's plain clothes in comparison to his. John glanced down, then trailed his gaze back up to Dave's ordinary, cartoon bear-less attire. The realization hit him like a pile of bricks as a blush creeped its way up his cheeks. In his minor embarrassment, he attempted to cover up his pants by pulling down on the hem of his shirt, which only resulted in the thing slipping down his shoulder, disclosing even more skin to the public's eye.

But the only public right now was Dave, and you could probably guess what he was thinking.

An awkward cough from both parties, albeit silent on Dave's end.

"... S-so you just gonna stand there man or what…?" John stuttered carefully, trying to obscure his shame.

"Nice pajamas." Someone had to say it.

The dorkier of the two visibly sulked and pouted a bit, but it's not as though he wasn't expecting it. So instead, he sarcastically rebutted, "Well thanks. I'll take that as a compliment in no ironic form at all."

The coolkid quirked a brow. "You're talking to the crown prince of irony here, kid. You might wanna check recheck your sources." He nodded once, motioning towards the other. "And maybe burn those shorts while you're at it."

John rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I forgot to do laundry earlier! Jeez what do you want me to do, strip my pants for you?"

Now there was a certain alternative, one quite preferable too. "Sure, it'll be a better show than Transformers 2 anyways." The blonde gestured languidly with his hand as a sign to get the clothing removal process going.

John couldn't help but let out an amused snort. "Yeah, I'll give you your little strip show _after_ the movie. And you're the one who chose it in the first place, remember?"

He only selected that particular film because it was the single one out of the batch without Nicholas Cage or Liv Taylor gracing its screen.

"I'll be expecting my private lap dance shortly after then."

Dave already predicted the trajectory of the pillow and dodged its fluffy impact before minimal damage was sustained.

John cursed at his failed shot, while Dave smirked and sat down beside his best bro.

The opening credits rolled in.

As usual, the film was insipid, uninspiring, and Sam Wittwicky was one annoying ass protagonist. But the graphics and action were kick ass, nobody watched Transformers for the story anyways.

Halfway through it, Dave completely stopped paying attention and focused more on the opportunity lying beside him.

It was dark, John of course being the cinema fanatic he is, insisted on the surrounding darkness as they watched.

The only source of light came from the DVD player's screen, which gratifyingly lit up the brunette's focused expression. It was the same countenance he always wore when watching movies, a self-disciplined conduct to always converge your attention to the motion picture. His cerulean hues were glued straight ahead.

Dave unfortunately was not the avid movie goer as his pal was, so his attention wandered elsewhere, specifically to a certain glasses wearing boy. Although unfortunately this time, Dave didn't sport his trademark shades to cover up his wandering gaze, so discreetness was of the essence when sneaking glances. He'd pretty much gotten comfortable with removing his shades around John, since after all; it was the doofus that gifted him the pair in the first place. It was kind of a sporadic right John had, depending on Dave's mood.

Contemplating for a short moment, Dave bit his lip and turned back to the screen. _I didn't want to resort to this, but it's time for the ultimate, cliché romanticizing move. _He decided himself, lifting his arm ever so casually above John's head, and in one fluid movement placed it over -

"Hey, Dave."

_Abort plan, abort plan. _He inwardly cursed himself for the momentary faltering in his apathetic guise. Dammit, what was he thinking, such lame pick-up moves were not his style. He almost resented Egbert for making him sink so low to this.

"What?" He muttered rather defiantly, leaning his head against the palm of his hand behind John's back. Any sign of suspicious movement was indeed covered up by his smoothness.

John turned his head, looking up at the older in a slight despondent manner. "Um… Well… I'm sorry for… not having better movies." He fidgeted awkwardly.

Apparently having horrid taste in film was worth apologizing for. "… No problem, Egbert. Though I don't know why after all these years, you'd choose now to remorse this scandalous sin. If anything, you should apologize for making me suffer through this with you." Snorting lightly, Dave failed to notice the disheartening downcast look of his friend.

"Yeah… That's kind of what I'm apologizing for now." John gulped, swallowing back the tension. "I know this wasn't exactly how you wanted your Friday night to go down, watching shitty movies in your room…"

Dave inputted nothing, deciding to wait until the other confessed it all out.

"I know you had other plans and stuff… But you cancelled them cause you felt bad for me all by myself…" He was muttering under his breath at this point now, probably tired of how pathetic he sounded. "And well, I guess what I'm just trying to say is…"

John smiled brilliantly, staring right up into those vibrant red eyes. "Thanks for being here man. And sorry for keeping you here, you don't have to force yourself to do anything, I'm fine by myself really –"

His rambling was cut off as something pushed down on the top of his head, roughly ruffling his dark locks around. It was Dave, giving him the sign of brotherly reassurance. "You retard, who says I'm forcing myself to do anything? You know I never hack it out for anyone." Dave had the tolerance of a temple monk, but that didn't mean he allowed for just anything to pass.

The younger brightened up the tiniest bit. "I know that. But still, I want to make it up to you."

Before Dave could even pique his curiosity, John folded the DvD player and tucked it away, tugging on the other's wrist to follow him. "Come on," He ushered, sitting off the bed and motioning into the darkness.

This was starting to get interesting now as Dave complied and stood up to follow, remembering to grab his sunglasses on the way. "If you're taking me somewhere shady, I swear I'll scream."

John rolled his eyes, but you could only vaguely make out subtle gestures in this blackness. "I promise I'm not taking you anyplace weird. Let's just call it compensation and something better than re-watching crappy robot films."

"My lap dance?"

"And a blowjob if you're good."

Dave let out a more than intrigued grunt.

* * *

><p>"Has anyone ever told you your choice of location for late night sexual endeavors is, in fact - poor in taste?" The sophomore commented, walking into the dormitory kitchen after his roommate.<p>

"Really?" John feigned his disbelief. "And here I've been told I have _very_ good taste, by the countless patrons I've brought here." He spoke with his back turned to the other and his head inside of a cupboard rummaging through several things.

The coolkid leaned against the counter, uninterestingly fiddling with the nearby kitchen appliances. "How scandalous of you, and exactly who have you been bringing here behind my back, Egbert? The cast of Iron Chef America?" In his self-important defense, he never watched that show.

As Dave was about to crack a few more food related sex jokes, he was sufficiently distracted when he spotted John pulling out a cardboard box out of one of the lower cupboards.

"What is that?" Dave bent down slightly to look over John's back and peer into the contents of the box.

The brunette grinned and chuckled brightly. "Hehe… Just some stuff my Dad sent with me in case I ever needed it." With both hands, he flipped the top cover up, "Namely ingredients."

"Ingredients?" Indeed, the boy was true to his word when the open lid revealed a large bag of all-purpose flour, baking soda, and other such common baking ingredients.

If John's dad was anything, it was prepared. "My dad made me take his specially prepared emergency kit." The boy glanced up at his friend with an anxious smile. "I didn't want it, so I thought I'd put it here for the time being, since it'll just take up space in our room."

The blonde reached down for a general skimming of the contents. "… A _baking_ emergency? In case you're ever in the dire need to start your own patisserie business?" He mocked, examining the ridiculously huge cake pan.

"Aha… Pretty much," John lifted the heavy package off the floor and dropped it onto the counter beside the sink. "Whew, okay. Let's get started on this thing then!" He grinned at the mild disbelief on Dave's face.

"Wait, so _this_ is the big surprise you dragged me here for?" The boy inquired, not really sounding too disappointed.

"Hehe, yup!" John chirped, unpacking only the stuff they'd need. "I'm not the greatest cook there is, but living with my dad, you're practically forced to pick up a few things."

This was no promising strip show, but with how genuine John sounded, how could anyone refuse?

"So what are we making?" He leaned closer, patting the other's shoulder.

The freshman clapped his hands together with the most candid smile Dave had ever seen. "The best homemade chocolate chunk cookies! It's one of the only things I know how to make anyways."

Dave couldn't help but let a smile slip past his shell. "Let's get to it. By the way, I'm blaming you if they turn out like crap."

"They will not turn out like crap! At least, I hope they won't if I remember dad's recipe correctly…"

"Oh boy."

"Hey, shut up! All we really have to do is mix the stuff in this bowl…"

"Shit, aren't you pouring a little too much sugar in there, Betty Crocker? I can't even see the eggs anymore."

"It's supposed to be that amount, and I kind of like it sweet anyways."

"I'm getting a raging toothache just by looking at this thing."

"Hehe, its fine… W-wait, what are you doing, Dave?"

"Putting in the baking soda."

"That's way too much! Have you never cooked before?"

"What do you think?"

"Agh! J-just give it to me! I'll handle this, you go preheat the oven or something."

"Well, excuse me mister master chef, but don't think you can just dismiss your incompetent assistant like that."

"Wahh! B-bluh, ptooey… ugh, not cool, Dave!"

"You got a little on your nose over there… heh."

"Oh yeah? Well, two can play at that game, hehe!"

"Let's just see you try pipsqu – wait, what are you doing with that spatula?"

His question was beautifully answered with a face full of white, powdery substance, also known as Betty Crocker brand flour. The sustenance of the she-devil herself.

John was in a fit of snickers and giggles at the sight. "Score one for the pranking master!" He roared triumphantly, pumping a fist into the air.

Dave coughed lightly as some powder went up his nose. _Oh it's on._

He retaliated with a vengeful smirk, as John danced around the kitchen in a vain attempt to dodge whatever Dave was bombarding him with. Somehow, John is the only one who can break the famous Strider's cool and degrade him to having childish food fights in the middle of the night. Here he is, Mr. Dave Strider, acting like he's thirteen again while having the most fun he's ever had in college.

"You bring out the worst in me," said Dave, cleaning himself up with a paper towel.

The brunette gave him a cheeky grin as he loaded the tray into the oven, because somewhere in the midst of throwing ingredients around, cookies were made and formed on the metal platter. "You're welcome." Still smiling, he stood upright, dusting his powdery palms against themselves. "It's healthy to let some steam off like this once in a while, am I right?"

Dave just shrugged indifferently.

John decided to take that as a 'yes'. "Well! It's a better start off than going to some random party." He stepped right into his bro's personal space, pressing up against him insistently. "Admiiit it. You were enjoying yourself too."

The blonde raised a brow. "If this is your idea of a wild night out, I'm guessing I could probably pinpoint how modest your lap dance is gonna be."

John stepped back a bit to glare at him.

"But yeah," Dave half-turned away. "It wasn't so shabby, as far as Friday nights go."

This seemed to satisfy John greatly. "Hehe, that's what I thought. Never a dull moment – Oh! I almost forgot!" The boy snapped his fingers in sudden realization. "I promised Dad I'd send him pictures of when I first use the kit. Better get the camera!" He hurried excitedly out of the room while looking over his shoulder to say, "Watch the cookies!" Before exiting down the hall with the thump of light footsteps echoing behind him.

The corner of Dave's lip quirked down into a light frown.

"This might be backfiring a bit. Fuck, _you're_ the one supposed to be falling for me, not the other way around." He muttered under his breath, frustration seething.

* * *

><p><em>drunkopp:<em> How was it? Better? Worse? Ah, doesn't matter anyways, I just write what I wanna bluh. Still haven't decided their city yet. Or majors. Bear with me, I have no idea what university life is like. Let's just bullshit our way through this guys.


	3. Domino Effect

_drunkopp:_ a great big sloppy thanks to all you people out there reading this thing.

**to****that****anonymous****reviewer****in****chapter****one****that****was****Too****Lazy****To****Sign****In**. i pretty much loved your idea about sollux too fuckin much to pass it up, haha. cause sollux is totally one of my favorite characters, so most credit goes to you for this chapter. and you can bet if john does go to a gay bar in the future, it'll be because of you. god bless.

**to****that****anonymous****reviewer****in****chapter****two****dubbed****Z. **thanks a bunch for all the ideas woah. that is actually extremely helpful, haha. if i do use any of your ideas, it'll all be credited to you. oh, and for this chapter, i got sollux's major from you ~ and also by looking up the guy who created facebook heh.

**to****YaoiOverlord. **i really liked the idea of marine biology for john for some reason. i got that from reading your review so thanks! hope you don't mind i took it, aha.

**to****Neavvs. **ooh seattle was actually one of my contemplations. even though i don't know much about it, hm. i'll probably put them in a made up university or something, to make things easier to manipulate. thanks for your input ~

and yes sorry, i just replied to the reviews i did or may take ideas from. thank you all for you input of ideas, you guys are more helpful than reviewers should be, haha. but yeah, i have such helpful readers. pushy, but helpful.

* * *

><p><strong>Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie. because I felt bad not including his name in the first chapter.<strong>

**Chapter 3: Domino Effect**

* * *

><p>The morning after was lax and warmly comforting, just the way John liked his Saturday mornings. Add a bowl of Froot Loops and cartoons and it would've been a <em>great<em> morning. Unfortunately there was no television in the room, but there was a grocery store just a few blocks down west.

John was up around mid-day. After their little baking escapade last night, the pair took the rest of the night snacking on what legitimately were, pretty damn good cookies. The only evidence left was the abandoned pantry tray on the floor, scattered with crumbs of what used to be.

Dave, being Dave, was still passed put on the mattress, sleeping on his stomach with sunglasses carelessly tossed onto the bedside stand.

John snickered lightly as he passed by, but while also being super cautious as to not make too much noise. He'd wake him later, he decided, because he was just that much of a good friend. Unlike Dave who got a kick out of doing things to John while the boy slept.

As of now, he might as well fetch some breakfast for the two of them. The brunette slipped on a light vest before heading out the door, leaving a sound Strider behind.

It was a beautiful day; the vast blue sky was streaked with dazzling sunlight and rich, mountainous clouds. A day fit for much possibility, and yet not a single idea crossed his mind. The freshman wasn't all too up to date on what exactly there was to do for leisure around these parts, other than study. (the accusation of nerd is reverberated off the background) But he figured he'd find something, John thought as a catchy whistle passed his lips in contemplative wonder.

Walking down the street, the brunette would catch sight of a few other students out and about. One girl he passed by actually gave him a small smile in greeting. John smiled back, of course. And at that, he speculated if he'd make new friends during his stay, like you know, ones that he didn't already have since high school.

Or, you know, maybe even a _girlfriend._

John bit down his lip. Well, unlikely as it was, it was still a nice concept. Considering he never had one in his life, ever. Although people always _assumed_ he dated Rose and Vriska, it wasn't true. Okay, so maybe he had a thing for them sometime in the distant past. But it never would've worked out, because it was _Rose__and__Vriska_ foremost of all_._ Not to disregard them in a bad light or anything, but they were pretty difficult people in terms of relationships. Rose had the habit, and fancy, of twisting every male individual's shot at her by analyzing the depth of his sexual psyche, interrogating to the point of hysteria and tears.

Vriska was, self-explanatory. Any unfortunate fellow involved in _her_ love life was never seen again.

John shivered. Girls were crazy. Or at least, the ones he knew were.

_Maybe __it's __better __to __steer __clear __of __the __whole __dating __scene_, he mused while entering the convenience store when its presence suddenly came into view. He didn't quite get how Dave handled it all. But I guess that's all part of the _Strider __charm,_ whatever the hell that is.

The brunette only picked up a few things, not even bothering to get a basket. Better to get only what you needed at the moment.

Apple Juice for Dave, strawberry milk for him (don't judge), and some unlabelled muffins wrapped in cellophane. Now, what else was he supposed to get? Oh right, the Froot Loops.

_Cereal __aisle, __cereal __aisle..._He paced down the store 'till his eyes caught sight of the right sign. You were never too old for the classic avian toucan and its doughnut-shaped artificial flavors, or as Dave liked to call it, "feathery asshole gone a little too far off the rainbow".

John reached for the top shelf housing his trusty brand cereal. Until that is, someone else beat him to the punch.

The boy blinked when he noticed the separate hand on top of the last box, claiming it before him. John turned his head to see exactly who this asshole was.

It was a lanky looking guy, build and height around Dave's size; actually reminded him a lot of Dave with those dual tinted shades. He looked fairly young too, so it was possible that he was a student from the same university as John.

The brunette gave him a blank look before snapping back into reality. "Oh...! Sorry, I didn't see you there." He apologized, withdrawing his hand away.

Sollux simply shrugged. "Yeah, no problem," he said while grabbing the last carton.

John watched him throw the box into his plastic basket in an almost begrudging manner.

The other caught his eye, but with a little more interest than before. "Th'orry if you wanted these, but if it makes you feel any better, you look a bit too old for Froot Loop'th."

John noticed the subtle lisp underlying his tone before frowning in confusion. "Uh... wouldn't the same go for you?"

The taller snorted in amusement. "Thi'th shit ain't for me, it's for my pubescent roomie. He'th been wailing like a fucking baby for his morning dose of sugar."

"Oh," noted Egbert, feeling just very slightly embarrassed.

"Whatever." He shrugged passively once more. "I get it, i'th cute when someone like you doe'th it, but KK always makes a big frigging deal 'bout it and loses his shit when I bring it up."

John nodded in puzzlement as the words registered into his mind. "... Uh, wait. What did you call me?" John interrupted, even though the other still seemed to be talking.

"Hm?" Sollux raised a brow. "What?"

"That... thing." The boy pointed out. "You called me cute?"

Sollux returned his baffled bemusement with an indifferent stare. "Yeah, I did. Is that a problem?"

"Uh..." John awkwardly shifted from one foot to another, scratching the back of his neck. "I guess not, it's just... We just met? So it's kind of weird and unexpected."

Sollux nodded in understanding. "Guess you're just not used to it." He then brushed past the smaller one, leaving without even a word of farewell.

Well okay, that was one strange, but kind of nice dude. Who the hell was KK anyways? John shook his head, leaving it off as unimportant as he grabbed a box of Apple Jacks.

Following right behind the dual-colored shades dude to the cashier line to pay for his stuff, John fished around his pockets for his wallet.

Or at least, what should've been his wallet, rather than flat nothing plus lint.

"Aw, shit," cursed the boy aloud as he slumps his shoulders in deflated defeat. Just his goddamn luck.

Sollux apparently heard him by the way he turned around with questioningly raised eyebrows.

"Forget your money?"

John forced a tight lipped smile. "Yeah... Looks like it. No big deal though, I'll just run back to the dorm and get it."

Sollux nodded silently before turning back to the nice cashier lady. "Hi'th stuff's with mine," he said, motioning back to the clueless schmuck behind him.

The said schmuck widened his eyes slightly. "Huh? What? Oh," the recognition of the other's words suddenly hit him. "No, that's okay, really! It's not like I urgently need this stuff anyways." John blinked, staring absently. "And I don't even know you, so..."

"You could get to know me," he replied, already having paid for everything in the midst of John's rambling. Damn.

The taller handed the bag with John's stuff to him, which the boy reluctantly accepted with an expression that looked absolutely remorseful. Sollux smirked in light amusement. "I'th not that big of a fucking deal. Just take the shit and be done with it."

Sollux then turned and walked away, exiting the store with his own bag in hand. John realized he didn't even say thank you. And well, if his dad taught him anything, it's that real men return favors before anything else. "Uh, wait!" He shouted after him while hurriedly jogging out the store entrance.

The other boy didn't get too far down the sidewalk before John caught up with him, abruptly exclaiming, "I'll pay you back right now, if you're not too busy!"

He ended up walking with who he found out later to be Sollux, all the way back to campus.

Sollux was one legit dude, John concluded after conversing with the guy after a measly five minutes.

First thing he learned about Sollux was that he was indeed attending the same university as him, except enrolled as a Computer Science and Engineering major as opposed to John's pursuit in Marine Biology. That pretty much dazzled John, seeing as he himself made a hobby out of programming computers, despite being horrid at it. It also turned out Sollux was here on an international scholarship program, tuition and board paid in full, along with some pocket allowance due to being a raging computer genius.

And then imagine John's surprise when he found out who KK is.

"_You're _Karkat's roommate?" John exclaimed, not being able to help the growing grin on his face. "_The _insufferable wise-ass? Oh man, that's such a weird coincidence!"

"If anyone's the in'thufferable roommate, i'th KK," he snorted. "But yeah, unfortunately. He's actually mentioned you more than once."

The brunette blinked at this unforeseen news. "Wow, really? Like what?" Knowing Karkat, it couldn't be all that flattering.

Sollux took a short pause before answering. "Yeah, more than I can stand really." He stopped for another brief moment before continuing on. "Th'aid stuff like you were naïve, dumb-ass, etcetera, you know how he is. I could tell it was you by his description, guess tha'th why I tried hitting on you."

John halted and took a double-take on that last part. "... Excuse me?"

"Hm?" He stopped in his tracks shortly after John did.

"Can you repeat that? Uh, you said..." He swallowed nervously, "You were _hitting __on __me _back there?" The boy inquired a little louder than he meant to.

"Well not full on but yeah, kind of." affirmed Sollux in a nonchalant tone, as if it were of complete norm.

John wasn't completely sure how to handle a situation like this. So he tried his best, in a way that was both blunt and socially respective. "Um... Well, I'm flattered but," he let out a breath while holding his hands up slightly in defense. "I'm not a homosexual."

"Relax, Egbert. I'll have you know I have a girlfriend." Sollux said, vaguely entertained by his remark.

John simply gaped at him. "W-what? But you just said you were hitting on me! So you were cheating on your girlfriend?"

He shook his head and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a group of unfamiliar faces approaching them.

They were three girls; the one in the middle walked a step faster than the other two with an expectant gaze on her face. She wasn't crude or haughty looking, but rather had a pleasant welcoming smile on her face and - holy shit take a look at the rack on her.

Those things were so massive it was impossible to even avert your eyes elsewhere. And judging by Sollux's intrigued brow raise, he couldn't also. Except he had those stupid glasses to cover him, lucky bastard. John actually forcibly pried his eyes up before she got too close, a blush lightly tinting his pale cheeks. She was even prettier up close, he noticed.

The girl smiled brightly at both of them. "Um hey, sorry to bother you guys." She casually rested her hands on her hips, eyes fixating on John particularly. "But, you wouldn't happen to be Dave Strider's roommate, would you?"

John blinked his expression vacant until it occurred to him that _he_was Dave Strider's roommate. "Oh!" He cried out in full awareness. "Uh sorry, that's me yeah." He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck in a bashful manner.

Her face seemed to light up by the way her brow rose and plush lips formed into a small oval. "Oh, good. I was actually looking for you."

"You were?" He said in disbelief.

"Yup," she elegantly chirped. "I just needed to know where Dave was last night, since he was a no show at my party... even after he absolutely _swore_ he'd come."

John gulped as a bad feeling was coming on. "Uh-huh."

"So..." She lowered her scrutiny, semblance brimming with intrusiveness. "Do you know where he was?"

"Uh -"

"Out with another girl, perhaps?"

"Not exact -"

"Come on, spit it out. I know you know."

Jesus, for such a cute girl she sure was intimidating as hell. John was starting to feel a little heat under the collar. His mouth was dry to the point where words no longer formed coherently. "I-uh was -" Obviously Dave ditched this girl last night, even though she was smoking hot and Dave was such a bastard for somehow wooing these girls into obsessing over him. Damn that Strider charm. But John wasn't ready to sell his best bro out to this random chick that had a glower that could topple concrete structures.

So that's when Sollux decided to be awesome and intervene. "How would he know, since he was with me the whole time?"

John at first appeared as confused as the girl, until he caught on what was being hinted at and leapt in to play along. "Ah - ha, that's right, of course!" He rapidly agreed, nodding his head as if bats swarmed in his hair. "We were hanging out late at night and doing... stuff. And by the time I got back to my room, Dave was asleep."

The girl, who's name was Ellen just so you know, frowned as creases formed in her brow. She glanced back and forth between the two of them before it finally clicked in her head. When the pieces started to align with the big picture, she pressed her fingertips lightly against her cherry red lips. "_Ohh,_" a gratifying chuckle echoed at the back of her throat. She grinned almost devilishly at Sollux. "You're... Captor, right? The honor student?"

He nodded. "Yeah, none other."

Ellen's cheekbones tinted a rosy pink as she cupped her perfectly unblemished right cheek with her hand. John was clueless to her reaction, or why she was even acting this way, all flustered and amused. He just didn't get girls.

"_Riight_," she dragged out the word while turning on her heel to leave. "I'm really, _really_ sorry to have bothered you guys. Like, I didn't know... But I guess it's kind of obvious now when you look at it."

John frowned, perplexed by her sudden change in demeanor. Sollux simply shrugged.

She fully turned her back on them, before turning back again as another inquiry came to mind. "By the way, where's your dorm room? I need to talk to Dave."

"Gordon House, South residence. Dorm 106," Sollux immediately spoke up.

John whipped his head with wide eyes at Captor.

She grinned, a twinkle in her eye as she waved farewell. "Thanks a bunch! You guys were a ton of help, totally make a cute couple too. Buh-bye ~!" Then she skipped off with the two girls who were waiting for her not too far off.

The two lads dutifully waved her off, making sure she was out of sight before the panic rolled in.

John practically flailed his arms at Sollux. "Sollux! That room number... You gave her the _wrong_number, not to mention my dorm is on the complete opposite side!"

He raised a brow, perfectly calm and collected. "Well, what the fuck did you want me to do? Tell her your _real_ dorm so she can stalk you to no ends?"

A valid point, but still, they told a lie to a nice girl. And lying was bad. "Okay, but... That room belongs to someone, right? So we're gonna be sending her to a total stranger."

"Not necessarily. I know who it is."

John didn't know whether to feel relieved or considerably more anxious from that.

"Well, who is it then?"

Sollux didn't say anything and simply turned to John with a incredulous expression. "Are you deaf or just slow? Or maybe both?"

John frowned, not quite following. "Uh what the hell are you talking abou -"

_Totally make a cute couple._

"Holy fucking hell."

* * *

><p>Dave woke up half asleep and not a happy camper.<p>

For one, Egderp wasn't there to broadcast his derpy morning greeting, one that annoyed the ever loving shit out of Dave but was still rather endearing once you got used to it, not that he'd ever admit it.

And then there was the constant beeping ringing in his ears, from which came his phone bearing dozens of unread text messages, voice mails, and missed calls. All from the same sender. At first, he actually thought it was John calling him to see if he woke up yet because he just wanted to have sex with him so bad that it couldn't wait until later.

But alas, no. Reality doesn't work that way apparently.

It was that girl, Ellen something-ma-jib whom he didn't really want to deal with right now, so he decidedly threw his phone against the wall, the impact of it causing the battery to fly out from the back case. He was still half overcome by sleep, so Dave turned over on his bed to catch some more Z's when the door flung open with a loud crash. He _really_needed to start locking that door.

"Dave!" It was John's voice, which made Dave a little more alert, but not enough to get up from his comfy bed.

He made a half-fascinated grunt, figuring that was a responsive enough action.

John was panting, as if he sprinted and had a panic attack several times over on the way here.

"I'm supposedly gay!"

Dave sat up in an abrupt but fluid movement and turned to the distressed boy standing in the doorway. The blonde wore a faint bemused visage, but not necessarily a disappointed one. "What?" This better not be a fucking dream or he was going to be pissed when he woke up.

John sighed irritably, as if Dave should've been able to figure out the whole dilemma from just those two words. "_I'm supposedly __gay_, Dave!" He blurted out once more in desperation. "With _Sollux_, nonetheless! Can you freaking believe that!"

Oh god, this dream was taking a turn into nightmareville. "- 'The fuck?"

And true to John's word, Captor was standing right outside in the hallway with a cell phone pressed to his ear. "I just called KK, he said he's coming for some reason."

John muttered a small 'oh okay' at Sollux before turning back to Dave. "KK - I mean Karkat - is coming too!"

Dave didn't know what to think of this messed up threesome, which apparently decided to gather around in his room while he slept.

The blonde held up a finger to pause briefly while he reached over the bedside table to grab his shades and flip them on. Alright kids, lets get our thinking shades on and attempt to salvage some sensibility from this messed up play. "You mind running that by me again, in a way I'll actually be able to understand what the fuck it is you're saying?"

John paced his way to the bed, plopping his arse down on the side as he motioned fervently to begin his story. "Okay, so I was going to the store to buy some stuff, like apple juice and milk and some funny-smelling muffins."

Dave stared with lacking interest as John continued. "Anyways, that's when I met Sollux when I was buying some Froot Loops, but he took the last box, but that's okay 'cause I got Apple Jacks instead."

"Froot Loops?"

"Shut up. We went to the cashier line to pay for our stuff, but I forgot my money so Sollux was really nice and paid for my stuff. That's why we came back here, so I could pay him back." He took a breath before talking on. "And on our way here, we met this girl, I think you know her because she acted like she knew you."

Dave raised a brow. "A lot of ladies are aware of me, but not so much the other way around. You're gonna have to be more specific."

John bit his lip apprehensively. "Uh, well, she had brown hair... and um..." He awkwardly made big circular motions with gropey hands over his chest. "... You know, bro."

Dave narrowed his eyes, still unclear but he had a good guess for now. "Yeah, I think I got it from your dynamic miming. What about her?"

"Well she was asking about you, something about her party you missed and one thing led to another and now she thinks we're _together!_"

"What, you and me? I don't see the problem in that." Really, no problem in that at all.

John exasperatedly flopped his arms to the side. "No, I just said! She thinks me and _Sollux_ are together. And yeah, that's kind of a problem!"

Dave ran a hand through his blonde locks, not knowing whether to laugh or punch Captor in the face. Maybe both.

John sat there expectantly leaning forward. "Dave? What do you think I should do, man? I mean, I'm not a homosexual."

_Yeah, __I __already __fucking __know __that __all __too __well_. Instead of saying that, Dave kicked his sheets off to the side and stood up from the bed. This was too much bullshit to deal with in the morning. Or afternoon, whatever.

"Alright, let me get changed first before I coach you all on your wavering sexualities." He snorted, figuring this was as ironic as his situation could get.

John frowned as he stood up from the mattress to get out of his friend's way. "Jesus, nothing's wavering, dude! Sollux and I are straight."

"Bi, actually," corrected a lisp in the background.

"Yeah, you see we're - wait, what?" The brunette whipped his head around, utter bafflement crossing his expression. Dave's brows shot up in more of an aroused curiosity.

"Bi'thexual, do I need to repeat myself? Jegus Christ." Sollux swore under his breath. "I thought it would've been obvious by now."

"I never knew that," spoke up Strider.

"Yeah, well you don't know me that well."

True that, and it's not as though he had any intention of unraveling him now. And to be honest, Dave should've been expecting it, what with all the bifurcation and duality obsessions.

John awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh... wow, sorry I didn't know. That's cool though, I'm fine with that."

Sollux snorted. "Why are you only acting nervous now, Egbert? I thought I made it clear by hitting on you."

"What?" Dave's 'actually give a fuck' sense was kicking in.

John's cheeks flushed pink. "B - But you said you have a girlfriend...!"

"Sure I do, but that doesn't mean anything about my sexuality. And what the fuck are you looking at me like that for, Strider?"

Dave had his sunglasses on, but by the way he pursed his lips into a grimace with his brows furrowed, you could tell it was a look far from pleased.

"Better steer clear of this flaming douche, Egbert. He'll probably try to steal a piece of your precious virgin ass while your back is turned." Dave said while patting the lower back of his bro in a not so platonic fashion.

"Fuck off, Dave," retorted John.

"Oh please," Sollux rolled his eyes. "You two ladies are as paranoid as KK. And he thinks I'm gonna fucking jump him ever thince I told him. Schizophrenic little bitch, I swear -"

Both Strider and Egbert pointed silently towards the hallway behind the binary inclined man.

Sollux calmly glanced over his shoulder. "Well, speak of the de -"

"SHUT IT, CAPTOR."

* * *

><p><em>One grueling recap of the previous dilemma later.<em>

"Remind me again why we're having this discussion in our room like a gang of teenage girls huddled 'round the gossip circle." Dave mused aloud while leaning against the wall, arms loosely crossed over his chest.

John, who sat cross legged on the floor, just shrugged. "I dunno, it just kind of happened."

"This is utterly. fucking. retarded." Karkat growled. "I don't know why I'm fucking insinuating myself into your feminine deliberations with each other." He complains while sitting on John's bed, legs and arms crossed in a way that seems awfully strained and tense.

"No one invited you, KK." Sollux sat on the floor, leaning limply against the wall with hands rested comfortably behind his ashen blonde head. "You're free to leave whenever you want."

"Hey - here's an idea, WHY DON'T YOU CRAM A SOCK IN IT."

Dave pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to tune out all the disturbances in his life. "Alright look, not that I don't enjoy your company, which I don't, but if you've got no business here, just leave now for fuck's sake."

"Well, I'm here to help John, because apparently we're an item now." Sollux smirked triumphantly at the two murderous glowers sent his way.

"You're a fucking moron, don't you dare touch me with all that homosexual nonsense. _I __swear __to __god_, I'm the only normal one here." Karkat scowled irritably as Dave silently thought up places to hide a dead body. Two if things turned dire.

"Hey!" John piped up. "It was just a misunderstanding, and I know for a fact that I like girls. So can we _please_ get on with the real issue here? I mean like, what do I do?"

"What I don't see is how this is a problem," began Sollux. "Unless fake dating me is that unbearable."

"That's not it, man," John said, feeling somewhat guilty. "I just... don't want a reputation for something I'm not." Because God knows he'd already been through enough of the same shit in high school.

Captor shot him a half-smile. "I was just kidding, dude. It's a'right."

Dave couldn't exactly pinpoint this uneasiness settling in his mind. Something about this whole facade made him - what's that word for when you want to punch a wall - irked. Because this was just an absolutely fan - _fucking_tastic way to start off his morning, or afternoon whatever. Finding your crush in a pretend gay relatonship _with someone that's not you. _Especially with him having to work late tonight at the club, he's certain his co-workers will appreciate his turned sour mood for the night.

"Don't worry your panties in a bunch." Strider reluctantly added, "I'll clear things up for you, should be no problem."

The prosperous look lighting up on John's face almost made it worth having to confront Ellen later. "Really? You'd do that?" The boy blinked, straightening his posture as he stared fondly at his best bro.

The older shrugged lethargically. "Not that big of a deal, bro. Although I'll admit, convincing her you're not a flaming maneater is gonna be the hard part."

John grinned toothily like a huge dork as he punched his pal playfully on the shoulder. "Shut up, man! You're the one who always has his hands all over me," he accused, sticking his tongue out childishly.

"Am not." Dave snorted in feigned skepticism.

"Whyy Mr. Strider, that's not what you said last night." John puckered his lips up at the other teasingly and damn it if Dave didn't find that hot as hell.

"Wow, i'th like I'm literally thuffocating from the sexual tension here," observed Sollux, who was leaning against the doorframe with a still demeanor.

"Oh you're still here?" The coolkid questioned with disinterest.

"Hey yeah, where did Karkat go?" John surveyed the limited space around them to see no sign of the stubborn little schizophrenic in sight.

Sollux jutted his thumb over his shoulder. "Little dude left a'th thoon a'th you guys started making out."

"What? But we weren't making out." John protested.

Dave nodded, but not dismissing the idea entirely no, he was actually busy with the mental picture of playing tonsil hockey with bucktooth over here.

Sollux grinned, "Right. Well it sure looked like you were going to."

"So you mind leaving anytime soon? Preferably before I kick your scrawny ass out." Dave said, finally snapping out of his daydream. "I've got work tonight and I like to accomplish a big heaping pile of nothing before I go."

"Huh, right. Your Djing gig or whatever. The LOHAC?" Sollux recalled before nodding lightly. "I remember that place, yeah. I gue'th I'll take Fefs there thince she's been dying for me to take her out tonight."

"Oh hey, that means almost everyone is going," John commented with cheer as he counted off the people on his fingers. "Me, Karkat, Rose, Jade, Terezi, you, and... Fefs?"

"My girlfriend," he made clear.

John opened his mouth in near surprise. "Oh. That's right. Uhh, are you sure she'll be okay with this whole er... us rumor thing...?"

"Yeah, it's no problem. The'll be cool 'bout it." He turned in the doorway to make his departure. "Well, I'll thee ya guys later."

"See ya, man!" John exuberantly waved farewell.

Dave attempted to give a rats ass and wave, but failed.

Because hey, this meant more alone time for them, which was apparently so valuable now that they were surrounded by nosy assholes 24/7. Or so he thought until the melodious tune of _How D__o L__ive_ rang through the air.

The brunette fumbled with his pocket before he hastily pulled the device out and pressed it solidly against his ear. "Ah - Hello?"

"John!" An ever so cheerful high pitched voice cut through the speaker, which even Dave could hear clearly from several feet away.

"What's up, Jade?" John grinned while pointing to the receiver and silently mouthing to Dave, _it's __Jade_. With which he was reciprocated with an apparent _I can see that__, idiot._

"Um, well, if you're not too busy today, do you think you might wanna go shopping with me?" She queried eagerly. "I want to get a new outfit for when we go out to Dave's workplace tonight! Come on, pleaaaase?"

The boy hesitated before answering, because for one, he didn't feel inclined toward shopping much. But the sound of his cousin's pleading voice was a powerful persuasion. "Well... Alright, I guess. But, maybe I should ask Dave first?|

Jade rolled her eyes at the other end of the receiver. "Of course, If only he'll ever let you leave his side for a minute."

"No, I mean... Maybe he wants to come along too?" He suggested, although he truly doubted it, even more so with the glare and evident _fuck__no_ directed his way.

"No! He can't. Just you." Jade said sweetly but assertively.

A nagging suspicion dwelled in the back of his mind, but he didn't want to bother thinking about it so he sighed, "Alright, I'll go."

She clapped her hands in delight, which meant she was probably on her bluetooth somewhere. "Great! I'll see you at the front of my building then." And with that, the dial tone clicked the conversation done.

As John lowered the handset, he noticed the pitying look on his bro's face. "Shopping with Harley. That's brutal man, I doubt you'll make it out in one piece."

John rolled his eyes in exasperation, although there was some truth in those words. "It can't be that bad. Anyways, what are you gonna do while I'm gone?"

His lips unwillingly twitched at the faintest urge to smile. "Jesus Egbert, I'm not as helpless as to resort to being a lost puppy while you're gone. I've got a big heaping pile of nothing to do, remember?"

John laughed cheekily. "Hehe, of course you're practically hopeless without me." He patted the taller sport on the back good-naturedly. "Cause I'm the prankster gambit to your epitome of cool, the funny bone to your stoic nature."

"The derp cramping my style."

The freshman snorted as he strolled to the door. "Say what you want, I'm _your_ derp, and you're stuck with me whether you like it or not."

Dave outwardly smirked to cover up a grin. "You better keep on your toes. I'll make you mine soon enough."

The sound of the latch closing indicated John was gone before he heard it.

Jade lived on the exact opposite side of campus from his dorm, which was exactly why she made John come to her, to save her the excruciatingly long walk around. Even though she was secretly more fit than him.

South residence and - which house was it again? It started with a G, that was for sure.

But thankfully for John, there was no need to stress his brain over remembering because Jade was right outside waiting on a nearby bench. She noticed him immediately and practically jolted up from her seat when she caught sight of the boy. Was it just him, or did she seem a bit more tense and jumpity than usual? His question was answered soon enough when she raced over the grass, nearly ramming into his chest from not being able to stop her rapid pace quick enough.

She panted out a breath, "Oh my god, John!" The girl hit his chest with the brute force of her palm.

John, very rather befuddled, blinked and tried to make sorts of things. "Um, what - ow! Jade?" He lightly placed his hands on her shoulders, careful not to rile the girl up any further. "What's wrong?"

"It's you!" She proclaimed.

Okay, so apparently he was in the wrong, for whatever reason. "What?"

"You and _Sollux_, how could I not see that? Or more importantly, how you could you not tell me?"

Suddenly everything in the Universe was starting to make sense again as it clicked. But then it turned out the Universe hated him and liked to fuck him over by doing everything in its power to humiliate him further. "Oh, that. Look, Jade, it's just a misunderstanding, I swear..." His train of thought lost track as another station came into view with a different theory in mind. "Wait, how the hell did you find out about that so fast? It happened like an hour ago."

Jade waved him off with a smile. "It's nothing, I just happen to have a blog. Anyways!" She firmly planted her knuckles on either side of her waist. "You better tell me what you're doing here, John. I mean, have you even thought about this? The consequences?"

John fruitlessly tried to slow her down with a pathetic exasperated flail of his arms. "I told you it's not like that! And is _this_ what you called me out here for?"

"Um, well no. I do want you to come shopping with me, but that's after we get through this matter first!" Jade pointed at him in an entirely accusatory manner.

He sighed distressingly because life liked to kick him in the balls when he was down. "Jade -"

"I don't even know what to think about Sollux, you know? I mean, he seems like a nice guy, but I heard he also has a girlfriend, can you _believe_ that? He's two-timing you, John! Unless you already knew, which would also make you in the wrong..." Jade gasped scandalously. "Are you a homewrecker, John?"

Taken aback, he blurted out absurdly, "What the hell? No, I'm not!"

"Well good, 'cause I expect better of you, unlike a certain playboy Strid - oh my god, _Dave_." Her conduct suddenly transitioned from lecturing to absolutely mournful. "Oh no, oh nooooo." She shook her head with her palms placed flat against her pale cheeks. "This is terrible, I feel so bad for him. His unrequited feelings after all these years... just crushed."

John furrowed his brows in utter, utter confusion. What, did Jade think she was dating _Dave_ now? Just what kind of blog does this girl maintain? "We're not dating!" He finally cried out, thinking enough was enough of this little facade.

" - and he loved you so much!"

And then brought on the silence, one much similar to standing in the eye of a hurricane.

"... What?" Exclaimed the cousins simultaneously.

They first stared at each other blankly, both of them not knowing exactly what to say in this situation. So John spoke up to break this awkward air. "Umm... What did you say?"

Jade, for some odd reason, got really bright red in the face as she responded in a panicky manner. "O-oh, uh... Nevermind. Actually, you go first. What were you saying?"

John skeptically nodded as he began, "Alright... I was just explaining that well, the whole me and Sollux thing is just a misconception. We're not together _at__all_, in fact, I just met the guy this morning!" He grinned crookedly, chuckling a bit. "Anyways... Yeah, it's just a rumor some girl started, which is not true at all."

The young lady widened her eyes in slight shock, not because her blog turned out to have lied to her, but because of her realization at the confession she just so shamelessly blurted out. "Uh, so what were you going to say?" John asked.

Shit. _Shit. _Jade cursed inwardly at her inability to keep words from spouting out. "... He, uh... Dave, he well..." Frantically she scrambled around in her brain for coherent excuses to dish out to her beloved but naive cousin. Few seconds later, still absolutely nothing comes into registry. So, she did the next best thing. "Dave is a homosexual!"

"What?" He uttered confusedly.

Jade sent a telepathic apology to Dave, as she had no choice but to forcibly follow up her lie. "Yes... Um, it's true. You see... H-he's always secretly liked _guys_ but uh, you know, he could never tell anyone of course, hehe. So I - uh, was _worried_ that he'd be so envious of the fact that you're in an openly gay relationship, while he has to hide in the closet and... pretend to be straight." Jade pursed her lips uneasily. That made so much more sense in her head. "So, yeah. That's the gist of it, basically." Well not really, but it was close enough.

John made an incredulous face, to which Jade began to panic, but slowly his expression softened into one of understanding. "So... Dave is gay? And he was jealous of me because he thought _I _was gay?"

Wow, when you put it like that, it sounds like utter bullshit. "Yes." Jade quickly added, "But he couldn't bring himself to tell you because of his pride! And the fact that you're best friends...?" She egged on, hoping to hit a sensible chord somewhere.

John's mind was a mixture of many different emotions, and it showed on his shell. "That's... really weird. Why didn't he just tell me?"

"Oh, you know, stupid ego, keeping up appearances, the fact that you're so overly homophobic." Whoops, there goes that overactive tongue of hers.

He tentatively rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh man... Do you... really think it's because of me that he's keeping it a secret like that? I mean, I guess it sort of makes sense."

"Yes, exactly!" She shouted abruptly, mentally thanking heaven for making her cousin so damn gullible. "It makes _total_ sense and oh god, John, please don't mention this to him." Dave was never going to talk to her again if he knew she almost spat out his secret like it was nothing. And also the fact she told his crush he was gay.

John blinked, "Uh, yeah, no problem. It'll be our little secret, pinky promise." Smiling, he stuck out his left pinky finger as a sign of sworn secrecy.

Jade wiped the sweat from her brow. _Dodged __a __bullet __there... __And __set __off __about __ten __more._ She inwardly grimaced.

Sighing helplessly, the girl reached out for his hands to clasp them inside her own. "John... Please take care of Dave. He's not as stalwart as he puts himself out to be."

The boy simply flashed a positive grin. "Well jeez, of course I know that! How long have we been best friends now?" Apparently not long enough for John to notice his friend's true sexuality. He had to admit, he was kind of worried. Would their friendship change from this newfound knowledge? Contemplating that thought for a moment, he almost immediately shook his head. No, of course not, only if John made a big uproar about the whole ordeal, which he was not going to. In fact, John resolved himself to understand Dave better, in the closet sexuality and all. "Don't worry, I'll break down those barriers and reach him somewhere!"

Jade smiled warmly. "Good, now let's go shopping."

Maybe it would be advantageous to take control of this situation, and play it so that they both finally open their eyes to one another. _God __knows __they __need __all __the __help __they __can __get._

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in room 106, Gordon House, South Residence.<p>

A knock echoed against the hollow wood of the doorframe.

"Hello? Dave?" The girl knocked a few more times, each louder and harsher than the next. "I know you're in there, open up. We need to talk."

After a few moments of rustling that could be heard from within, the lock clicked and the door steadily creaked open, revealing a quite famous face.

A wide lethargic grin spread over painted on make-up. "Salutations, my fine motherfucking lady friend."

A scream vibrated through Gordon house complex that time of day.

* * *

><p><em>drunkopp:<em> not much romance stuff happens, mainly me building shit on top of another. i honestly don't know where i'm going with this, but right now, all i'm doing is nipping the bud. you know, tending to the flock before in rolls time for the slaughterhouse. and don't fret, the slaughterhouse will roll in eventually, it's just a matter of fattening things up. gotta tend to the cattle for that grade a beef result. god, i need more sleep, you know what, just forget what i said. that's embarrassing shit.


End file.
